Friday, August 4, 2017

Desolate

I watched myself die
Saw myself deteriorate 
But I was too weak to stop it

I can't think
My mind is blank...
But I can't stop it from racing
I feel so stupid
I feel so played
I feel so lost
I feel...
Afraid
and timid...
Anxious
Lonely
Weak
Frustrated
Alone...

I believed in love
I believed in you

Stood by
Helpless
While you took advantage of me
Used and abused me
In the name of love

I gave my all
All of me
More than I had to offer
And it was still not enough...
NEVER enough...
But I still gave

Now what is left for me...?
-Yoshi

Routines: Not my Forte...

Good Morning America! Ok...so I do know that most of you are NOT awake, like me, but I forgive you. I'm only up because the money calls and I just can't let it go to voicemail.

I want to apologize for not being consistent with my #HealtheHurt campaign. Trust me, it wasn't due to lack of interest or dedication...I'm just really not the best at keeping up with routines. I have a chronological bible that is formatted for readers to read through the entire bible In a year... Needless to say I've attempted to read through it for 3 years. I just had to stop beating myself up and realize that the things I've been through, in the past four years, have effected the way my brain works and how I handle "routines."

Right now, my focus has been on recreating myself. I don't want to be the old me...I want to be a new, and improved, version. I was destined to do great things and living a mediocre life won't get me those things. Over thinking is ultimately destroying me so I need to find a more progressive method of dealing with it all.

I'm dabbling back into poetry because I NEED to get these emotions out. The next blog I'm posting will be a poem I found in one of my notebooks. Not sure when I wrote it but it is definitely connected with the things I've been going through. Hope you enjoy! 

-Yoshi