No Looking Back...

"The world judges me on the decisions I've made, but they didn't see the options I had to choose from."

No one really knows my story. Just paragraphs and pages...statements scattered among the wind. As I walk this journey, ascend this climb, search for the meaning of life, try yet again and fail, seek and find, ask and discover, sin and repent, pray and fast, work and play, live and breath in this amazing yet strangely scary place called life on Earth, I take bits and pieces of the knowledge that has been bestowed upon me and condense them into the concepts in which create...Me. I can truly say I have a testimony. I really came from a dark place. When I think, of where I came from, it's hard for me to even connect with that person which was me... Those times seem so far and forgone...yet, so close.

Sometimes I feel so connected to myself and then...I don't. What has become of that metaphysical bond between my mind, body and soul? Pieces of my past still linger 'til this day and make it difficult to free the person who is within me. I've gotten better...but there's still a part of me that is hesitant to surface. It clings to the closest parts of me and holds on tight. I fight with myself because of this. I'm not even sure if this is not who I am...even though that may sound crazy.

But...I'm optimistic of the future. I'm letting go of some of the layers I've collected over the years. I'm allowing myself to be guided by the Holy Spirit and there's no looking back. I'm grateful for where I am and where the Lord is taking me. I'm trying to go back to the expressive, explosive enigma I love to be! As always I keep certain things in mind:

"I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well."- Psalms 139:14

"Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me." - Psalms 51:10

"They that sow in tears shall reap in joy." - Psalms 126: 5

"Set a watch, O Lord, before my mouth; keep the door of my lips."- Psalms 141: 3

"I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." - Philippians 4: 13