sigh.

sigh. i find myself drifting off into unchartered waters...but then i meet myself as she ventures back to shore. the internal battle between good and evil; right and wrong; love and hate rages. The highs and lows leave me weak and confused. i've convinced myself of something that is, now, blatantly untrue. hmmm...

then...i sit here blogging away as i stare at the back of his head. his music blasting, unaware of what goes on. unaware of the pain i harbor. no...he's not oblivious...just stuck in his own world to realize what's going on in OURS.

sometimes i think people don't get the fact that i really could crawl inside myself and die. sigh.

Day 1 - A Picture Of Yourself With 15 Facts

1. I LOVE THE LORD.
2. I often feel censored.
3. I hold on to a lot of pain.
4. Despite the bubbly personality, darkness lies within.
5. I'm deeper than you could ever imagine.
6. Sometimes I don't even understand myself.
7. I never thought I would be someone's "baby mother."
8. I've been teaching dance for over 8 years now.
9. I'm super-passionate about the state of our youth.
10. I mostly watch cartoons.
11. I have a very close relationship with my mother.
12. My family is the most important aspect of my life.
13. I don't remember what my body looked like without ink.
14. I'm, actually, a singer by nature.
15. I'm more fragile than you think.

30 Day Challenge

Day 01 - A picture of yourself with fifteen facts.
Day 02 - A picture of you and the person you have been close with for awhile.
Day 03 - A picture of the cast from your favorite show.
Day 04 - A picture of a habit you wish you didn’t have....
Day 05 - A picture of your favorite memory.
Day 06 - A picture of a person you'd love to trade places with for a day.
Day 07 - A picture of your most treasured item.
Day 08 - A picture that makes you laugh.
Day 09 - A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most.
Day 10 - A picture of the person you do the most messed up things with.
Day 11 - A picture of something you hate.
Day 12 - A picture of something you love.
Day 13 - A picture of your favorite band or artist.
Day 14 - A picture of someone you could never imagine your life without.
Day 15 - A picture of something you want to do before you die.
Day 16 - A picture of someone who inspires you.
Day 17 - A picture of someone that has made a huge impact on your life recently.
Day 18 - A picture of your biggest insecurity.
Day 19 - A picture of you when you were little.
Day 20 - A picture of somewhere you'd love to travel.
Day 21 - A picture of something you wish you could forget.
Day 22 - A picture of something you wish you were better at.
Day 23 - A picture of your favorite book.
Day 24 - A picture of something you wish you could change.
Day 25 - A picture of your day.
Day 26 - A picture of something that means a lot to you.
Day 27 - A picture of yourself and a family member.
Day 28 - A picture of something you're afraid of.
Day 29 - A picture that can always make you smile.
Day 30 - A picture of someone you miss.

Bouyant

I find myself floating
wondering when it got this serious
when i got
here
didn't know the cuts ran so deep
the damage
way too substantial to tote
yet
i thought i had
taken stock of what i lost...
...and gained
of what needed to be thrown out
and what needed to be fixed
more importantly
what needed to stay...
for a fragile time in my life
where connections and connotations
were conflicted and construed

...my heart beats still
keeping me connected to the part of me
which is
human
imperfect
unsure
insecure
nervous and neurotic
hiding beneath my own layers of rejection
and fear
surfacing but for a moment
yet lingering for a lifetime...

-Yoshi

The Unlocked Cage

"Yoshi is a free spirit." Something that isn't unusual to hear when it comes to me. I'm the type to want to fly free at all times...yet I love being tied down. Ironic? Very. Relationships have always offered comfort in my chaotic existence. I guess they give me a sense of belonging. You see, I'm a square peg in a round world. I don't really fit in. The blessing and curse of being, truly, an individual.

I'm in love with love and beauty in all aspects. I'm also a flirt. I play on both sides of the rainbow, but only one can have my heart at a time. I find myself having to downplay my sexuality. I thought it was every man's fantasy to have a woman that loved women...but I find that most of them, can't handle that fact hanging over their head. But, then again, I'm just not your typical female.

Guess I'm more intimidating that I thought...

Remebrance

I remember when I used to depend on your validation for mine. I remember when ONLY your vision of me mattered. A lot has changed over the past year or so.

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Blocked

"Never explain yourself. Your friends don't need it and your enemies won't believe it."

That quote has been resonating, in my mind, all day. As a creature of pure randomness, I find myself caught in the confusion of contemplation and confession. You see, I've always been one to delve deep inside myself and deliver doctrine of what it is to be...me. Yet, life has had it's way with me, lately, and it's become a lot harder to bring forth blessings from my being. Pen and paper always shared significance to me. It was a way of staying connected to myself when such disconnect was taking place around me. It kept me grounded. Kept me sane. But, with what I was dealing with, it seemed inevitable that my lack of expression would spill over into my metaphysical. "Why was I writing, in the first place?" became the only question buzzing through my consciousnesses.

Years have passed and I'm still faced with the same mental block from my past. I've decided that the only remedy for this ailment is to dive, head first, and force the muse. As my mind races, I plan to reach up and grab what's floating by...until it all makes sense.

Hope you enjoy the ride as much as I do!