#HealtheHurt Day 3 - Lonliness

I've been able to hold myself together pretty well in the last couple of weeks since my official liberation but TODAY has been the worst. I don't even smoke cigarettes and I had to go to the store to get one. I've been besides myself all day with news of more black men being gunned down by police...black men being hung. WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON AMERIKKKA? Just the fact that the KKK is still in existence shows me how racist America is... While y'all are worried about ISIS, us black folk are worried about the KKK, NYPD, BRPD, regular gun toting white people in "stand your ground" states...the list goes on.

It's hard to deal with intense emotions, alone, when all you want to do is be held by someone who understands you and knows how to make the pain feel less substantial. There is no one to hold me. There is no one to wipe away the endless tears that have been streaming from my face. BEING BLACK IN AMERICA IS STILL ILLEGAL. Everything else will be legalized but being black will still NOT be ok in white America's eyes. This shit is sickening. What do I tell my son? How can I possibly protect him? I fucking can't! I just keep thinking: What if that was my husband? What if that was my son? My father? My cousin? My uncle? My nephew. My son's father? ME?

These are the nights when I cringe at the fact of being alone. These are the nights where I want to run to him and hug him because I fear for his life! These are the nights where I wish things were different and I wish things could go back to being the same. These are the nights where a war rages on between my mind and my heart.

I've, personally, seen officers menacing young men in my old neighborhood of East, NY for NO REASON. I've had to walk in the street because their patrol cars were parked on the sidewalk and blocking the walkway. I've had to reverse down a one way street because a cop car was completely blocking a street to converse. I've had an officer, that knew nothing of my husband or my family, say "go ahead and enjoy your one weekend with your kids." I've been mishandled by police and honestly I'M FUCKING OVER IT.


http://www.cbpm.org/index.html <~~~~~~ Please check them out and if you're compelled to, join the movement. For me...NO JUSTICE. NO PEACE. #BLACKLIVESMATTER

-Yoshi